


K.I.S.S.

by Anyawen



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: 007 Fest 2020, Don't copy to another site, Fake Marriage, Improvisation, M/M, team00, what happens in vegas ...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:55:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25337986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anyawen/pseuds/Anyawen
Summary: Bond improvises a backstory for their cover as newlyweds. Q is not amused.
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Comments: 13
Kudos: 90





	K.I.S.S.

**Author's Note:**

> Fills the 2020 007 fest trope table prompt 'fake marriage'.

“What the _hell_ was that, Bond?” Q demanded in a harsh whisper when they closed the door to their honeymoon suite behind them.

“That was upping the ante,” Bond replied. “There’s another couple honeymooning here this weekend, in the suite with the mountain view. Younger. Traditional.”

“By which you mean heterosexual,” Q said.

“Tennyson’s fetish is for newlywed couples, and while he isn’t picky about gender, we can’t take the chance that he’d prefer a petite blond bombshell—”

“Over me,” Q said, twisting the gold band on his left ring finger.

“—over me, actually,” Bond finished. “So I went off-script and made us a bit more interesting.”

“You spun a story about an old friend from uni, a film competition, a trip to France, a corporate merger, an off-the-cuff proposal, and a spur-of-the-moment trip to Vegas for a spontaneous wedding and honeymoon.”

“It was a _heartfelt_ off-the-cuff proposal, and of course I’d race us to the altar once you said yes —have you met you?”

“I have met me. And I’ve met you, and if you think I’d get cold feet after you finally proposed, you need to have your head examined,” Q replied. “But that’s beside the point.”

“Is it?”

“Eyes on the prize, Bond - we’ve got a human trafficker who dabbles in passing sensitive information to catch, and you just sold him a story so convoluted he must have twigged that it’s fiction. If you have to improvise, keep it simple! Only lies have detail.”

“Tennyson will make his approach tonight when we’re at dinner,” Bond replied. “The other couple may be delightful, but we’re _fascinating_. We’d be a much better coup. Drinks, the invitation, the arrangement to meet at his club where you’ll get access to his office to install your virus on his computer …”

“And then I am going to have a bad reaction to something because I am definitely allergic to sex with men who buy and sell human beings.”

“Actually, I think I may find that I’m not willing to share after all,” Bond replied. “Having finally caught you, I’d be a fool not to keep you to myself.”

“I think I’d quite appreciate it if you got possessive.”

“Q?”

“Hmm?”

“You’d say yes?”

“You want to know the answer to a question you haven’t asked?” Q inquired archly.

“And if I asked?”

“I’d tell you that I don’t fancy a Vegas wedding conducted by a bad Elvis impersonator. I’ve waited two years, you can wait twenty eight days.”

“All right, then, let’s finish our business here with Tennyson, and get home. We have some paperwork to file.”

**Author's Note:**

> Every one of the things (and more) that Bond uses to build up the story of the events leading to their impromptu wedding came directly from my own marriage story, though we ended up in an insurance agent's office in San Jose, not with an Elvis impersonator in Vegas. Otherwise ... yep.


End file.
